I've had chronic nerve pain, particularly around the wrist areas, for more than two years and it has led to PTSD, incessant depression, turning inward on myself, regret, obsessively dwelling on the impossible-to-change past, etc. I typically just fake smiles these days and try not to show my utterly shattered self. Maybe I just lack courage, but it's truly difficult for me to even want to wake up in the mornings. The pain, both physical and emotional, is just exhausting. Many times I wish I'd just go to sleep and never wake up again so I don't have to suffer. However, I continue moving forward because I don't know what else to do. It's either suicide or continued life; and I choose continued life, or at least, I have chosen it up to this point. Whether I will continue to do so in the far-off future is something I do not claim to know.
Now, to wax philosophical, I don't believe my suffering is redemptive as I'm not a believer in God as traditionally defined (I believe that there definitely is some sort of deity who is responsible for the design of the world and life, but that's as far as my mind takes me - i simply cannot infer the omnibenevolence of a deity from this world of trial, woe and horrendous suffering). I very much subscribe to the worldview that shit just happens in life and that's all there is to it. However, all this being said, I think it's rational to try to transform your suffering and make it as redemptive as possible, or at least to try to practically believe it is redemptive - even if deep down you don't really believe that. And I believe that you should do this at least for your own sanity's sake. In my case I hope, or try to believe, that the suffering has made me more courageous and resilient to life's tragedies, as I've had to dig deep within myself to find the strength to pull myself out of the darkness, darkness which I am regrettably still in. The resilience you will build in continuing to move forward through the pain, especially when you are alone, is something that is *perhaps* a redemptive quality that I have developed in wandering through darkness.
I've also learned, or am learning, is that despite your own inward resilience, sometimes in life you need the help of others - or, at the very least, the help of others will greatly expedite your healing (whether of friends, doctors, etc.) To take but one example, when this unfortunate incident happened to me I hardly told anyone, and consequently all my trauma and pain remained pent up inside me. This is unhealthy. But I found that just opening up about my issues to certain reliable individuals has helped me cope with the pain. It's good and relieving to confide your problems and hurt to people you deem wise and trustworthy. Humans are social animals. Sometimes we need each other. It's a mistake to try to be so macho as to pretend that you don't need anyone else to help you. It's a mistake I'm learning to correct the hard way. I say I'm learning to correct and not learned to correct because this is still a work in progress for me.
In addition, the suffering has definitely increased my compassion and empathy towards fellow sentient beings and has made me much less judgemental. You truly don't know the full extent of what your fellow human being you see in the sundry places of daily life (like the gym, coffee shop, etc) is going through. Looks can be deceiving and many suffer in silence. The suffering has also instilled in me a deeper appreciation for how much of our lot in the world is governed by sheer luck or happenstance. There is only so much in our lives that is under our direct control. It helps me stay humble in front of the sheer magnitude and terror of the world.
These are some of the redemptive qualities that I acquired, or at least hope to have acquired, from my suffering. Whether in the long run my suffering serves some greater purpose or good I do not claim to know - the story of my life is still being written, and the world is very mysterious indeed. Maybe, just maybe, to paraphrase Joseph in the book of Genesis, what people intend for evil, God intends for good.
